The Hanover Collaboration

Big freakin’ deal. It’s bike to work week every week in Cosmoland. If you really want to get all these non-hackers who do not pack the gear on bikes every week, or even once or twice a week, you’ve got to properly incentivize. I realize most companies shirk from handing employees extra cash for anything other than profit-related performance, but there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

How about covering the remaining health and dental insurance contributions of cyclists to reward their commitment to a healthy lifestyle? Or subsidizing their rent for braving the ludicrous cost of living within biking distance of a major economic center? Or maybe employers could pony up for a free tank of gas now and then, in recognition of all the hydrocarbons cyclists aren’t burning on a daily a stop-and-go commute through traffic lights and rush-hour gridlock?

If any expense – cash or otherwise – is too much, I can think of a couple cost-free incentives as well. Cyclocommuting employees could make a mint leasing their space in the parking garage to local residents or other commuters. And if companies can work out volume discounts with with local cleaners, health clubs and movie theaters, why not a bike shop? The promise of service nearby would leave fewer people put out by the prospect of mechanical failure. Plus the cheaper goods would encourage riders to buy equipment that was suited to their needs, rather than dictated by their paychecks.

But hey, I’m a realist – so how about some improvements that would serve everyone, while at the same time encouraging cyclists, like adding showers to the physical plant? Even the most unrepentant SUV driver could wash up after long hours, and cyclists could both get to work faster and smell better afterwards. And putting a bike rack near the front door, instead of at the complete antipode of the building, would shorten bike commute times and keep locked courier bikes from blocking fire exits.

But the fact is, most employers have no interest in doing any of these things, because Bike to Work Week is nothing more than a temporary platitude to the concept of societal change, like Bring Your Daughter to Work Day or National Black History Month. Americans are irretrievable bottom-liners conditioned for and addicted to the path of least resistance, and this week is just another perverse Saturnalia to remind the majority of the workforce why they’ve fallen into such a selfish, destructive and unhealthy routine in the first place.