The Hanover Collaboration

If you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve probably been subjected to corporate art. It’s the grown-up version of those signs you used to see in gym class that said “There’s No ‘I’ in Team” or “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts”. I’d imagine companies spend billions of dollars on this crap, which is fucking fascinating because its blandness and predictability only reinforce the despair of slaving away for a soulless corporate entity. Well, I’m sick of it. So in the great tradition of Maddox, I present you with “I Am Better Than Your Corporate Art”.

Collaboration. That is the theme here. Note how they scrawled that title sloppily and off center, like the “out-of-order” on the post-it note your jackass co-worker left on the coffee machine, after somehow getting a TPS report jammed in the filter. Yeah, that just the thing that makes me think how awesome collaboration is. I bet the committee that put this together got some serious brownie points from corporate for using an odd number of pictures, too. YAWN. Let’s just get to the analysis…

Ok, so I suppose these people are collaborating. But there are really some things better left as solo activities. Like taking a picture. The end result of this “collaboration” is going to be blurry and off-center (which I guess, given the first panel, is appropriate). I suppose they could also be looking at pictures they’ve already taken, but again, wouldn’t it be easier to have one person just hold the damn camera while they both look on? That way they wouldn’t need to hold it at arm’s reach and crane their necks forward like arthritic giraffes.

Final Grade: C. On topic but utterly sub par.

First off, the name of the game here is “collaboration”, not “plagiarism”. That tin can telephone is way too nice to have been constructed by a couple of seven-year-old girls. And I’m guessing that one on the right didn’t dress herself either, since it looks like someone drop-kicked her into the sale rack at Talbots. Quite frankly, I don’t know what the bitch’s problem is – it looks like she’s trying to eat the goddamned can. Probably why the other chick is laughing. There’s some “collaboration” for you.

Of course, it’s not that actual collaboration would be useful here – they’re in an obviously empty room standing like five feet apart. If Miss Thang could stop teething for like 15 seconds, it wouldn’t be a problem for her to just walk over and whisper in the other girl’s ear.

Final Grade: D. The office is now stupider for having seen this.

I’ll admit, this was something of a head scratcher at first. Two chicks on what appears to be a flip-and-fuck, the older on the phone and the younger watching. It all comes together only when you consider the empty photo frame in the background.

Still don’t get it? Family members go in picture frames. But this one’s empty. Why? It’s a family member that should be, but never will; an abortion. Its positioning behind the older girl’s head (and her barefoot state) clearly indicate who’s been knocked up. Big Sis is on the phone, calling Planned Parenthood to kill her unborn child, with Little Sis there for moral support. They’re even using the piece of furniture on which the catalyst for this entire scene took place.

This photo recalls the unconditional nature of sisterhood, even through situations of unspeakable stress, and highlights the even-handed exchange of support and and experience between the two sisters – collaboration at its purest. The white that dominates the image represents the youngest sister’s still-intact maidenhead; their emotionless faces, a determination to stick together; and their lack of immediate conversation, the unspoken intimacy of their bond.

Final Grade: A+. Fallen angels, we.

This picture has shit to do with collaboration. There’s one person in it, and he’s wedged way the fuck into the corner of the frame to highlight his isolation. Even so, he seems to be doing just fine, having successfully stacked his three blocks without any help at all. Taken at this level, the message of this picture is simply “fuck collaboration”.

Oh, wait, there’s a doll in the background, too. And what kind of little boys have dolls? Gay ones, obviously. So now it makes sense. The subtext here is “Doing things without collaborating is like competing in the Gay Games – even if you succeed, you’re still a fag”. Yeah, that’s the sort of progressive message I want my company to stand for.

Final Grade: F. It’s either completely contradictory or actively hateful. Either way, it’s shit.