The Hanover Collaboration

(based on a actual events)

dramatis personae:

SCOTT MEEK, a chymist
THOMAS TEMPLE, a lush or drunk-ard
COSMO CATALANO, a poeticule, friend of TOM and SCOTT
A pizza-monger

Apology
What follows is a one act play,
Intended to (although it may
Or may not achieve this end)
Provide another view of my friend
TOM TEMPLE, who shows a different face
On this blog than in any other place.
To judge which TOM is most correct,
You’ll just have to meet him in the flesh.

[ entrant principales ]

CC: I am right famished after a long day’s skiing.
SM: What ho! A pizza-monger’s!
CC: The sign reads “Ramuntos;” ‘tis a good Sicilian name. We shall find a sumptuous repast within.
TT: ( with inexplicable loudness ) I am so huuuuuungry. I want garlic knots. So taaaaasty.
CC: ( aside )
One need never ask if Tom’s been drinking,
If one wonders, then one needs not make the asking.

[ they enter. A pizza-monger stands behind the counter ]

TT: ( to pizza-monger ) You there, sirrah! What is on the specials board to-night?
PM: ( runs his finger over the board and examines it curiously ) Appears to be chalk, milord.
TT: Aye, knave, Aye. But what does it say?
PM: It says but naught, sir, for it’s just chalk; known to sqeak from time to time but never intelligbly.
TT: Do not test me, knave. Read aloud what is written on it.
PM: I cannot, sir.
TT: Art thou literate?
PM: Aye, milord.
TT: ( angry ) Then why not? Doest thou mean to insult me? ( draws, almost slicing off COSMO’s ear in his intoxication )
CC: Easy killer…
SM: Tom, Tom…people are watching…
TT: Speak, knave. Loose your tongue or I shall loose it for you
PM: ( in terror ) Begging your pardon, sir, but when I ran my fingers across it, the lettering became obscured. As there is some chalk left on my hands, perhaps if I rub back the other way it shall reappear. ( attempts this, board becomes further smudged )

[ Tom lunges drunkely and misses, stabbing decorative pepperoni, which becomes lodged on his exceedingly dull sword. The PIZZA-MONGER dives to the floor. ]

SM: Jesus, Tom…
TT: ( examining blade ) Ah, ‘tis his liver! An excellent strike.
CC: Truly he has well the lesson learnt.
Shall we head for our table now,
before there’s no one left to make our pizza?
TT: And garlic knots…
SM: Yes, Tom. Now sit.

[ exeunt SCOTT and TOM ]

CC: I would like two large pizzas, one cheese
the other pepperoni, and a dozen
garlic knots. In payment, I shall return
Your liver. Dost thou accept my offer?
PM: ( cowering on floor) My liver? Oh, the beast hath skewered me true! I am a grave man. It grows darker…
CC: Come now, the liver has marv’lous power
of regeneration. Simply eat
A bite, swallow and stand up. ( offers pepperoni. PIZZA-MONGER accepts, eats ) You see?
PM: Why, It tastes like pepperoni, milord.
CC: Of course! Are you not a pizza-monger?
The flavor has suffused throughout your body,
like lead through a hatmaker’s. ( aside ) And to the same effect.
PM: ( stands ) Why, sir, ‘t grows much brighter now! And I feel not at all like a man run though! I am very much in your debt.
CC: It shall be resolved when I recieve my pizza.
PM: All accounts settled?
CC: The ledger shall be cleared.
PM: Oh thank you again, milord. I am most certainly in your…
CC: Hold knave. You are just now solvent again.
Why go back into the red so soon?
PM: A good point, sir. I shall bring your pizza soon as it’s ready.

[ exuent ]